It seems that nowadays anything can be put through our letterboxes without our consent. Gone are the days of that one time in the early morning, when the postman (official Royal Mail) would put an array of envelopes through, sometimes payment for work done, bills, a card or letter from a friend or relative. Now it would appear that anyone can walk up to your front door and put whatever they like through, and in most cases these unsolicited items make my blood pressure rise somewhat.
We get more than our fair share of takeaway food menus and those little plastic bags that charities want you to fill with clothing (up to seven a week of the latter is pushing thing's a little don't you think?) But there is one thing in particular that tends to put me into a bit of a frenzy, and one of them appeared on my doormat this morning.
It may have become apparent that I am a gardener, and most people that know me steer clear of conversation about gardens that contain rockeries filled with heathers and dwarf conifers, the stuff of nightmares. But this unsolicited abomination that I was forced to pick up from the floor, inside my own home, is THE worst afront to human dignity that I have to face, thankfully only a few times a year.
The novelty garden sundries catalogue.
For those of a nervous disposition, I suggest that you turn away now. If you do feel strong enough of mind and spirit, then let me share with you some of the delights on offer.
The Steadfast Medieval Knight. Standing a threatening three feet tall, and a snip at £79.99
The Glowing Lily Pond Light......£16.99.....need I say more?
Apparently this colour changing string of plastic birds is a 'must for all owl lovers!' I love owls, but think it best to leave alone. £16.99
A two feet 'realistic resin' pink flamingo to adorn a patio? Only £39.99 (My personal worst)
Why?....why, why, why? Bessie The Cow tree hugger at a special offer price of £19.99.
And last, and also very least (sorry John), the garden zombie sculpture in quality polyresin. I'm not even going to dignify it with a price.
Only had one cup of Earl Grey this morning, and so better put the kettle on for another before I go into melt down. I hope you are all enjoying some downtime during the bank holiday.
I will tell a little about our Easter weekend when my blood level drops a couple of notches.